Study Says Plants Can HEAR Being Eaten

Does this mean there won’t be anything left for the environmental wackos to eat?
Check it out:

Environmentalist wackos who have indeed made the claim right up front that the biggest threat the planet faces is human beings. That somehow we are not part of nature, not like a rat is or a wildebeest or a flower or a bush or a garden snake, take your pick, those are all accredited, wonderful members of nature. But we do nothing but plunder it and destroy it. And that is an attitude that is the undergirding of the global warming movement.

We are destroying the planet. There’s no way a polar bear could, and there’s no way a lion could, but we human beings, because we’re selfish and greedy and we’re destroyers and we’re killers and mass murderers when it comes to plants and animals. In fact, I wasn’t gonna mention this, I was gonna save this for next week. I was just checking one of my tech blogs during the break. Get this. There’s actually — and they’re dead serious. The story about how a plant can hear itself being eaten. I’m dead serious, folks.

Some wacko scientist claims that certain plants maybe know and feel when a caterpillar is eating them, and furthermore you can see the defensive mechanism plants use to ward off the attack. I don’t have time to read it. I mean, that’s just the first paragraph. And you know what the headline was, Snerdley? (laughing) “Nice Try, Vegans: Plants Can Actually Hear Themselves Being Eaten.” I’m embarrassed to even — I don’t want to give you the source. It’s Gizmodo if you want to go find it, just to prove that I’m not making this up.

“Take this, vegans” source story is actually TIME magazine. TIME magazine: “Study: Plants Can ‘Hear’ Their Attackers’ Approach.” It was an experiment conducted at no less than the University of Missouri, my home state. And they claim they can’t get out of the way. They can’t stop it. They hear when they’re about to be eaten. So if a plant can hear its own destruction, that puts it one up on low-information voters, who have no idea what’s happening to them.

But they’re serious about this, folks! TIME magazine, these tech blogs are picking it up, and of course it’s gospel. And you wait. It isn’t gonna be long, you’re gonna run into somebody who’s gonna say, “Can you believe the broccoli can feel when we eat it?” I guarantee you, the low-information crowd is gonna eat it up. Well, they’re gonna believe it.



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