Obama Tells World Peace is Hard; Lifts Undeniable Truth of Life #4; Proposes Mideast Shoe Exchange

I feel like I have been plagiarized. Back in 1987, while toiling away as a struggling young star of the future — well, actually I’d become a star out there — I wrote a weekly column for a newspaper and I was having writers block. I just couldn’t get jump-started so I started writing down one-sentence beliefs and thoughts trying to spur the idea of a column and I just kept going, and finally after a while, I said, “You know, I’ve got 600 words here. Pretty soon I’ll have a whole column out of this.” And that eventually became the 35 Undeniable Truths of Life. It was that among many other things that established me as one of the nation’s great thinkers. And one of the 35 Undeniable Truths of Life was uttered verbatim today by Obama. Undeniable Truth of Life Number Four: “Peace does not mean the absence of war.” Obama uttered those exact words in his speech today at the United Nations. That audience, you know, 90% of that place is gun-toting, murderous thugs. (interruption) No, no, of course he didn’t credit me. No way he credited me. Number four.

I’ll give you the top ten. The greatest threat to humanity lies in the nuclear arsenal of the Soviet Union. Remember, now, this is 1987. Number two: The greatest threat to humanity lies in the USSR. Number three: Peace does not mean the elimination of nuclear weapons. Four: Peace does not mean the absence of war. Five: War is not obsolete. Six: Ours is a world governed by the aggressive use of force. Seven: There’s only one way to get rid of nuclear weapons: use them. Number eight: Peace cannot be achieved by developing an understanding with the Russian people. And Obama, by the way, said that today. He said no treaty, no words, no doctors, are gonna lead to peace. It’s almost like somebody in the regime read this and liked portions of it and lifted it for his speech. We have a little montage briefly here of Obama discussing and telling the world just how hard peace is.



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